NAUGHT IN A BOX

NAUGHT IN A BOX
a quick play by Anne de Mare

© copyright 1998, 1999 by Anne Catherine de Mare. All rights reserved. Contact Information.

NAUGHT IN A BOX was first produced as part of The Seven Minue Series at The Ontological Theater; April 16 - 26, 1998.

Character Breakdown (3 women, 1 man)

WOMAN BOUND
WOMAN BLIND
WOMAN WITHOUT
MAN'S VOICE

Play

(WOMAN BOUND is hanging from the ceiling. She is as bound as theatrically possible. WOMAN BLIND and WOMAN WITHOUT stand on either side of her, very still. They have microphones in front of them. WOMAN BOUND is on her own. She speaks with rapid conviction.)

WOMAN BOUND
There is an equation here. An enormous equation. Hugely powerful mathematical forces are at work propelling all the actions now. Oh yeah. A web of accidents that didn't wait to happen fell down on top me in wave after wave of ridiculous precision and the element of faith which has, until this point in time, kept me moving forward decided to drop out of the bottom of my world and the unfortunate chaos which has since descended will continue repeating and repeating in ever-lessening circles around that perfect little grain of sanity which still exists in the very middle of my brain. (beat) I know what is happening to me.

WOMAN BLIND
She's having a bad day.

WOMAN BOUND
Bad bad day.

WOMAN BLIND
She'll give up on everything in the end.

WOMAN BOUND
DON'T BET ON IT.

WOMAN WITHOUT
Schweinekopft!

(Beat. WOMAN BOUND and WOMAN BLIND look at WOMAN WITHOUT. WOMAN WITHOUT begins to dance.)

WOMAN BOUND
If I could see the sun rise which I can't from here and if I could hear the quiet which I can't from here and if I had a crack of light from somewhere other than where I am then maybe I could know that the day is almost over or has just begun but I don't so I can't and the worst day that has ever been has set its face down on top of my life and I don't know when it is going to end.

WOMAN BLIND
Yeah, right.

WOMAN BOUND
MY MOTHER LOVES ME!

(Man's voice: 'You're a pretty thing, take a look at her, isn't she a pretty thing? I mean, you're a damned pretty thing...' Voice continues over the following.)

WOMAN WITHOUT
Don't mind me, I'm just passing through.

WOMAN BLIND
Here we go.

WOMAN WITHOUT
Okay. It's okay. Really. I like it. Except there's... well... I suppose... maybe there's one thing... maybe there's a couple of things...

WOMAN BLIND
You don't say?

WOMAN WITHOUT
I do just fine. Really I do. Except sometimes I find myself kicking a dead dog down the street on a leash.

WOMAN BOUND
You do not!

(Man's voice out).

WOMAN WITHOUT
Hey. I'm just passing through.

WOMAN BOUND
This isn't really my life. No. I am living another life that I just can't remember right now. Really

WOMAN WITHOUT
I have a theory on that.

WOMAN BOUND
Oh stop!

WOMAN WITHOUT
No. I have a theory on that.

WOMAN BOUND
I thought you were just passing through.

WOMAN WITHOUT
Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm just passing through.

(Man's voice: 'She's okay, I mean I like her and everything, I mean, she's nice but she's not, you know, she's okay...' Voice continues over the following.)

WOMAN BOUND
Bad day. Bad day. Bad day in a kind of a way that... Bad bad day.

WOMAN BLIND
She doesn't know what a bad day is.

WOMAN BOUND
SCREW YOU!

(Man's voice out.)

WOMAN BLIND
Dignity is really important in moments like this, don'tcha think?

WOMAN BOUND
SCREW YOU!

WOMAN WITHOUT
Shhh.

(Beat. Man's voice: 'She's amazing, I'm telling you, she's so amazing she's not really human, I mean, I can't believe how amazing this girl is...' Voice continues over the following.)

WOMAN BOUND
I have another life, you know. Where all this... Stuff... Doesn't happen to me. I have another life. Which is really different. I have a really different life. I just can't remember it right now.

WOMAN BLIND
She has a dog.

WOMAN BOUND
I do not!

WOMAN WITHOUT
She has a dog alright. The dog just doesn't like her when she gets like this.

WOMAN BLIND
HEY!

(Man's voice out.)

WOMAN WITHOUT
Ha ha.

WOMAN BOUND
There is an equation. An enormous equation. Vast powerful mathematical forces are at work. An avalanche of accidents didn't wait to happen, oh no, they just decided to crash right into me full force and my faith dropped out the bottom of my world and told me to fuck myself.

WOMAN BLIND
I said hey.

WOMAN WITHOUT
Just passing through.

WOMAN BOUND
I have a sexy dress I could be wearing RIGHT NOW!

WOMAN BLIND
I said hey.

WOMAN BOUND
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO ME THEN?

WOMAN BLIND
I said hey.

WOMAN BOUND
YOU WOULDN'T SAY A DAMNED THING.

WOMAN BLIND
Oh, forget it.

Beat.

WOMAN BOUND
I have a sexy dress.

WOMAN WITHOUT
Yeah right.

(Beat.)

WOMAN BLIND
I suppose you want a word of encouragement or something.

WOMAN WITHOUT
A word of what?

WOMAN BOUND
There is nothing in the universe close enough for me to touch to make me feel better about the vast cosmic conspiracy of undeniable forces working together to screw me over.

WOMAN BLIND
Whatever.

WOMAN BOUND
I want to do really terrible things to you.

WOMAN BLIND
Really?

WOMAN BOUND
Terrible.

WOMAN BLIND
I have something to say.

WOMAN WITHOUT
Be careful.

WOMAN BOUND
And IF I HAD A DOG he would like me ALL THE TIME!

(Man's voice: 'Fine, really, I mean fine, just don't expect me, I mean, what do you expect me to, she expects me, and I mean don't ever expect me...' Voice continues over the following.)

WOMAN WITHOUT
This is an attitude I have. That's all it is.

WOMAN BLIND
I have a lot of things to say.

WOMAN WITHOUT and WOMAN BLIND
Nobody seems to get it.

WOMAN BOUND
BAD BAD BAD.

WOMAN WITHOUT and WOMAN BLIND
(in unison) Ohhhhhh Yeahhhhhh.

(WOMAN BLIND and WOMAN WITHOUT begin to dance.)

WOMAN BOUND
Please don't. Don't. Please. I'll tell you a secret. Please. I see pictures of my life sometimes, the really different one I have that I can't remember in moments like these, I see pictures of it and the thing that terrifies me is that I think it might be worse. The capacity for my conception of badness has gotten so completely out of control, the capacity for my conception of badness, the whole primal element of badness is so overwhelming that I think this is just the very beginning and that there's this huge mountain of elemental badness bigger than anything I could ever imagine just waiting to descend upon me in an avalanche of something that is IN NO WAY AN ACCIDENT!!!

(Man's voice out. Everything stops. Long beat.)

WOMAN BLIND
Like I said, she's having a bad day.

WOMAN BOUND
Isn't it over yet?

WOMAN WITHOUT
Hey. I'm just passing through.

WOMAN BLIND
That's all it is.

WOMAN WITHOUT
Really.

(Man's voice: 'You're a damned pretty thing, such a pretty thing, but I, I mean, you're okay, I mean you're nothing special, I mean, I don't mean anything, I don't mean, and you're so amazing I can't believe how amazing you are but what do you expect me to do, I mean you should know better than to expect me to, but god-damn it aren't you a pretty thing.')

WOMAN BLIND
(repeating over speech) I was going to say...

WOMAN BOUND
(repeating over speech) I've gotta get going.

(Long silence. Man's voice: 'I think I need, I think I'm gonna, you know, I'm just gonna take a nap.' Long beat. WOMAN BLIND and WOMAN WITHOUT exit slow. Long beat.)

WOMAN BOUND
Oh. Shit.

BLACKOUT

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