SUGAR RUSH

SUGAR RUSH
a quick play by Anne de Mare

© copyright 1996, 1999 by Anne Catherine de Mare. All rights reserved. Contact Information.

SUGAR RUSH was first produced as part of The Seven Minute Series at The Ontological Theater; May 16 - 25, 1996.

Character Breakdown (1 man, 1 woman)

BILL
ZELDA

Play

(BILL sits behind the pastry counter. ZELDA walks in. She looks around at the pastries. BILL watches her warily. She comes over to the register.)

ZELDA
I'd like one of those please.

BILL
One of those?

ZELDA
Yes, one of those. (BILL has a problem with this request) Is there a problem?

BILL
Well, I hate to tell you, but yes. Yes, there is definitely a problem.

ZELDA
Aren't they any good?

BILL
Oh yes! They're very good.

ZELDA
Then...

BILL
In fact, they're just about the best thing in the world.

ZELDA
Really?

BILL
And if you can't see that... I mean if you can't tell how good they are then...

ZELDA
Then what?

BILL
Then I'm not sure you should get one.

ZELDA
I beg your pardon?

BILL
No, really. I'm a little bit put off, no, more than a little bit put off, that you can't tell exactly how magnificent, I mean, transcendental these are, if you knew anything about anything, I mean anything at all, you would understand... instinctively, that these are absolutely the best that exist anywhere in the world.

ZELDA
So, can I have one?

BILL
Can I have one....

ZELDA
Can I have one, please?

BILL
I'm not sure.

ZELDA
Oh come on.

BILL
Are you hungry?

ZELDA
Yes I'm hungry.

BILL
Really hungry?

ZELDA
I'm starving, can I just have one?

BILL
No.

ZELDA
No?!

BILL
No. You're too hungry, wouldn't really appreciate the delicacy of flavors, the miraculous textures, no, you're altogether too hungry. I can't give you one.

ZELDA
Forget it, I'm leaving. (she starts to exit)

BILL
I thought so.

ZELDA
(this gets to her) You thought so?

BILL
Yes. I could tell, from the moment you walked in here, started sniffing around, sniffing around at all the wrong things, that you weren't OUR kind of pastry eater, yes, it was written all over your face.

ZELDA
I picked the best one! You said it yourself! I picked the very best one!

BILL
Yes, you picked the very best one, the greedy ones always do, the greedy hungry ones always pick the very best one, and then they don't know what to do with it.

ZELDA
It's a pastry! You eat it!

BILL
Not if you don't have one! And you don't, do you? (she turns to leave) But I do! I've got a whole bunch! And I'm going to eat one RIGHT NOW (she freezes)

ZELDA
Just give me the damned pastry!

BILL
Look little lady, you can't just walk in here, ask for something, and get it. This is not THAT KIND of pastry shop.

ZELDA
I only want an eclair!

BILL
Just what the hell kind of pastry shop do you think you walked into?

ZELDA
The kind where you walk in, ask for a stupid eclair, and get it! Like every other god-damned pastry shop in the world!

BILL
Well, it isn't. No. Not by a long shot lady, not by a long, long, long shot. THIS is a very SPECIAL kind of pastry shop. And in THIS kind of pastry shop, YOUR kind of money, isn't any good!

(A pause.)

ZELDA
I think I'll be leaving now.

BILL
Oh I don't think so! (he blocks her way) You're the one who started this!

ZELDA
Me?!

BILL
You told me you wanted that pastry! You stood right there and told me how much you wanted that pastry! Now if you really want that pastry, You're gonna have to prove it to me!

ZELDA
Prove it to you?

BILL
Yes, prove it to me. You're not leaving this shop until you can PROVE to me just how much you want this eclair.

ZELDA
You've got to be kidding.

BILL
No. I'm not kidding. I'm sick and tired of you, all of you, coming in here, ordering pastry, and... and... just thinking you can GET it! Like it doesn't matter! Like it's just another pastry. I'm in here, every day of my life making the most extraordinary pastries ON THIS PLANET and you all, you just insist on coming in here and RAPING MY PASTRIES! Well, NOT ANYMORE. NO! I am taking a stand!

ZELDA
Look, I don't know what you want from me, I just walked in here to buy an eclair, if you don't want to sell me an eclair, I'll leave, I'll go along on my way, and I'll find another pastry shop where they don't take it all so seriously.

BILL
Ohhhh, we ALL take it seriously. Pastry makers are VERY serious people.

ZELDA
What do you want?

BILL
I want you to stand there, watch me eat this pastry, and want it, want it REAL BAD. I want you to stand there, wanting this pastry with every muscle, every sinew, every corpuscle of your body and then.... THEN...

ZELDA
Then what?

BILL
Then I'm not going to give it to you.

ZELDA
That's all?

BILL
ALL? ALL? Isn't that ENOUGH??

(A pause.)

ZELDA
Fine. Go ahead. Eat the pastry.

BILL
What?

ZELDA
You heard me. Eat the pastry. You think I can't take it? You think I'm going to start slobbering all over the floor over your pathetic little eclair? Go on. I dare you.

BILL
But...

ZELDA
I dare you to eat that pastry in front of me. I dare you!

BILL
Forget it.

ZELDA
Forget it?

BILL
Yes, forget it. You took all the fun out of it. You always take all the fun out of it. All I wanted was for someone to want my pastry, really really want it. I didn't think it was too much to ask. But no. It was. You don't want it, you don't want it, and you never really will, not any of you, you'll just come in here, buy it, eat it, and forget all about it. Yes. That's all I am to you. Fine. Here, take the pastry, take all the damned pastries, do whatever you want with them, I don't care. You've taken away my will to live, and I hope you're happy, yes I hope you're really really happy. How does it feel to come in and ruin a man's life? How does it feel to push somebody over the edge? It feels good, doesn't it? It must feel really really good to DESTROY me like this, to just DESTROY me right in front of your eyes? This is what you wanted all along, isn't it? About the only thing that would make it better is if I were to just shoot myself in front of you? You'd really love that, wouldn't you? You'd love it if I just pulled out a gun and wasted myself right here? It's what you've all been waiting for, isn't it? The day I just went over the edge, the day I went all the way over? Well, here it is! (pulls a gun out) Congratulations! You've done it!

ZELDA
Wait!

BILL
Yes, this time I'm not going to let you down! (shoots himself)

ZELDA
Jeez, all I wanted was a stupid eclair.

(She stands there for a minute, goes over, and picks up an eclair. She looks at him, looks at the eclair, and turns to leave.)

BLACKOUT

return to top of page